A spiritual seeker visited the Sage's daily teaching for several weeks, listening wholeheartedly. After some time, he came to him, saying, "I've listened to your teachings now for many days." "Well," replied the Sage, "what do you think?" "I enjoyed them. But, then, I tried to follow your teaching on dying to self, but it didn't work for me." The Sage laughed, saying, "See, it couldn't work for you." "Why?" asked the seeker. "For the you trying to die to itself does not exist to die in the first place." "Then," the seeker asked, "why try to die to a self that doesn't exist?" "To see. See, few see."
The more you die to yourself, the more you see there was no one there born so able to die in the first place. What you die to is the illusion, which manifests as a sense of self. Yet, for this to happen, the non-self must work hard to die. In time, the futility becomes obvious and the exhaustion overwhelming. Then, the truth is seen clearly. In spiritual awakening you do not gain anything, you lose something.
*Brian K. Wilcox. "Meetings with an Anonymous Sage."
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Wholeness and harmony cannot arise from the self that is an illusion. That fantasy lacks harmony. That dream self is splintered and strewn.
When you awaken from a dream, you realize the dream was a dream; you know you cannot live that dream in waking consciousness. If you tried to live it, people would give you a diagnosis of psychosis, and you would need medication to live sanely among others. We are surrounded by a psychosis - people thinking they are a body, yet that is taken to be the truth, as though we are merely the fruit of an ovum-and-sperm, nothing more.
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The personality with a body believed to be you and its story supposed to be true is, at best, a good dream. For many people, it is a daily horror. The Buddha called living in this fantasy dukkah, suffering. He referred to this suffering world as the saha world. Christians use the term fallen to refer to it, meaning we have been removed from a prior bliss and innocence depicted in the mythological story the Garden of Eden, what Buddhists call nirvana.
The dream cannot die as long as the mind-of-self is active. The mind keeps churning out story after story, woven and rewoven in countless contradictory ways as "my" story, as "me" with all that says is "mine." Yet, to awaken and see the dream as a dream, while it reweaves itself, is vital to live with love, joy, and peace.
Your knowing yourself as more than as a self may be the greatest gift you give to others, the most loving thing you can do for others. This waking up does not make you weird or holy in some religious sense, but you share through Silent Presence the beauty of Grace awake and quietly luminous - you shine with that Luminosity.
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When awake spiritually, you are not trying to be anyone, including yourself. How could you? Being does not have to try to be. How could Being become Itself, when Being is Itself? Itself is?
Does this mean we reject this dreamlike self? That it is evil. Bad. No. No. No. That self is like an earth costume, saha attire. That appearance is how the Sacred manifests moment to moment in this realm. God shows up with your face. The dream-appearance is a dream-appearance yet saturated with Light through and through. So, we respect that illusion. We befriend it. We celebrate it. We shine through it. We take good care of it. We look out through it with compassion for the world. The body-and-mind is the portal for Spirit to light up this world with one Presence.
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Now, what about the real you, so us, and God? Just because we are a spark of the Fire does not mean we are the Fire. It does mean there is no separation between that you are and that God is. There is one Is. Christian contemplatives have spoken of God by participation.
Here, at this threshold, we need to be silent. Mind cannot enter. Words like duality and nonduality are faint shadows. The word "God" is such a shadow. The Realness is too deep for words, for it is too deep to think about. Silence is confession of the illusory self's ignorance... but the heart knows... it knows in relationship. Now, what more needs to be said? So, let us stop and bask in the Sun together. ... Now, smile ...
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*(C) Brian K. Wilcox, 2024. Permission is given to use photographs and writings with credit given to the copyright owner.
*Brian's book is An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love. The book is a collection of poems Brian wrote based on wisdom traditions, predominantly Christian, Buddhist, and Sufi, with extensive notes on the poetry's teachings and imagery.
